Things that I am thankful for

   

This photo is on my wall and the first photo 
on the right of my blog. Both Dave and I
caught keeper stripers on a rainy, raw night in
January. 

   Every year that I have kept a blog I have done a post at Thanksgiving about all of the things I am thankful for. Usually I write about how much I love going to New Hampshire and Striped Bass. There is usually a line about bear, alligators and moose. If I went on vacation, I mention a favorite memory. For the most part, if I write twelve things I am thankful for seven or eight are the same every year with new memories to replace ones from the year before.

   That changed with last year's Thanksgiving post. Two big events happened in my life last November, both were fresh in my mind when I wrote my post. First off, as you may recall, I almost drowned at Key West. I went snorkeling at a beach. Laurie didn't have her fins so I gave her mine. I went to swim out to a jetty and the water was rough and the current strong. I made the smart decision and turned around. On my way back, my mask started filling with water and I had a panic attack. I couldn't control my breathing and it felt as I took every stroke I was no closer to the shoreline.

   When I was twenty feet from shore but still well over my head I went under. I don't know how I found the strength to pull myself up. Fortunately I did because even if anyone saw me go under, they never would have found me. Visibility was almost zero and with the current, I would not have been near where I was last seen with in seconds. When I made it to the shoreline, I sat at a picnic table for twenty minutes before my breathing calmed down.

   Also in November, I lost the cousin I was closest to due to Covid. I had gone on vacation with my cousin Mark and his wife Dottie to Florida once and I visited them in Maine on a couple occasions. We had a falling out due to politics and we hadn't been close for a couple of years. Despite not talking with him, and having completely different views, I still loved him.

   So last year writing my post, it wasn't about vacations, gators, or moose. It was just about being thankful for being thankful. All my life I have been appreciative of all the good things I have encountered. You could make an argument that I am this way because I lost my mom when she was 45 (and I was seventeen), but even before she died, as a kid, I always seemed to know life was precious and to enjoy it. Obviously for me, that pretty much meant nature. Whether it be fishing, birding, or quahogging, I love doing those things and never once took any of them for granted.

   So even though I lost a cousin and almost lost my own life, I wrote last year's post with my heart. It wasn't nearly as self serving as every Thanksgiving post the years before. After my near death experience, I went snorkeling two days later to make sure I wouldn't have fear of the water. I rarely think about it now. 

   Mark, on the other hand, I think about several times a week. I think about how stupid it was to stop talking over politics. We were both in the wrong and I only take fifty percent responsibility. However, if I would have known how little time I would have left with him, I would have done things different. However, when I think of Mark, I don't spend much time thinking about politics or our falling out. Instead, I think about the fun we had. We went fishing almost every day in Florida. We had great conversations. When I visited him in Maine, we ate so much steak tips, steak, and potato salad that we should be ashamed.

  Which finally leads me to this year's post. What I am thankful for. Well, if Thanksgiving were in June, I would have been thankful for two amazing vacations. Seeing the Washington DC cherry blossoms was the highlight of my year. On that same trip I saw Sika Deer and Delmarva Fox Squirrel at Blackwater NWR. North Carolina was even more amazing. We saw everything from Dolphins to wild horses. We watched Cottonmouths for hours and had Black Bears walk right behind my car feet from where I was standing.

   Part two of this year has been quite different. Since the end of June I have been in pain every day. Whether it be my back that won't heal or the nerves in my stomach that feel like fireworks. Throw in the diabetes diagnosis, and this has been the hardest five months of my life with no end in sight.

   As I write this, it feels like I have an arrowhead stuck in my spine. Leaning against the back of a chair is not an option. I have an MRI the first week of December which will hopefully lead to a Cortisone shot and be pain free (hopefully). The nerve issue is awful and I've gotten some nerve blockers that have helped but not taken away the pain. 

   So as I write this, I'd say it is much easier to be thankful when you have your health. It is easier to be thankful when you just got back from an amazing vacation. It's easy to write about stripers when you catch thirty pounders at the Canal, or get photos of bears from eight feet away. 

 

My best friend at Black Pond, NH

    However, what I am  most thankful for are the people in my life. Every year I do include how grateful I am for Dave and Laurie. However, this year, as I have been dealing with issues, I appreciate them more. I am basically living in Laurie's spare bedroom. The bed is much harder than mine and I am in less pain. There have been many nights where Laurie and I were going to hang out but because of pain, or pain meds, I'd be in bed before 8 pm. She has cleaned up after me multiple nights. She drives almost all of the time when we go places. I could write paragraphs about how great she has been.

   I've known Dave for years and I also consider him a best friend. We fished together A LOT. I could be hanging out with him fishing every day except it kills my back to drive. Fishing would be fine, but the driving, especially the ride home, no matter how short can be excruciating. Despite this, Dave checks up on me at least once a week. We talk for quite a while. The conversation usually starts with him asking how I'm doing. I give him an honest answer whether I'm doing good or bad. Then he gives me words of encouragement. Followed by a fishing report and some gossip about the fishing world.  He is a great friend and I can't wait to get out fishing with him again.

To both Dave and Laurie, neither of you will ever know how thankful I am to have you in my life, I love you both.

I am thankful my brother has been guiding me through diabetes info. I'm positive he knows more about the disease than most doctors. Without his advice and more importantly, his calm deminer I would have handled the situation much worse. Thank you. 

   I am thankful for the other people that have checked up on me. There are some work friends and some birding friends, and of course, relatives that have asked me how I'm doing. Some of them have kept in contact multiple times. Thank you.

    Because of how much I birded the last three years, I know ninety percent of the people I run into birding. Some of them are mere acquaintances. Many, I am friendly with and others are friends. However, there is a core group that I consider family. I care about them just as much as people I share DNA with. I have more in common with my birding family than I do with most of my blood family because birding can become an obsession. Unless you are obsessed, it is hard for an outsider to understand it. It is impossible for a non-birder to comprehend standing in one spot for three hours in January waiting for a Yellow Breasted Chat to show itself.

   For those birders that I consider family, I am grateful for you. I have used the word love in this post many times, but make no mistake, I take the word seriously. I can honestly say I love you. I won't name names for fear of forgetting someone, but chances are you know who you are. Thank you for memories of Block Island, pelagics, Christmas bird counts, sharing your vacation stories, and road trips But most importantly, thank you for the time we spent just talking and being in each others company.

My proudest achievement and one of his 
students.

   Lastly, but probably most importantly, I am thankful for my son. Words can not describe how proud I am of him. I always talk about him being an adventurer which he is. I envy his ability to travel to foreign countries.  He figured out a way to live the life he wants. For the last couple of years he has been teaching in Cambodia. He loves it because he feels he is changing the world by being a teacher. However, he also has a bartending license and he worked at the fancy El Tovar restaurant at the Grand Canyon. Meaning he could get a job anywhere in the world. He is 27 now and no longer a kid. He is a man closer to thirty than his days as a Cross Country captain. He is a good man. He cares, he loves, he lives life to the fullest. I could never have hoped for a better son. 

  If you read this entire post, you obviously must be thinking I am more emotional than you are used to seeing. You would be correct. Pain and diabetes, for sure, has made me emotional. I have not cried from the pain, the diagnosis, or that there seems to be no end in sight Not because I'm a tough guy, but because I'm not letting the pain or diabetes win. Not once, Fuck them. That said, my feelings and emotions are much stronger than they used to be. For better or worse, that has happened. While I have not cried, I am more emotional. When DJ and I are talking and I tell him I have to go to bed, and he says I love you first, I can't tell you how much that means to me. For that and all of the people I mentioned above, I am thankful!