Part 2 Hiker vs. Tourist How not to be a Touron

It would be helpful to read part one, if you haven't already done so before you read this. However here is a really quick review of the previous post so you won't have to jump back and forth from this one to the last one.

1. If you litter you are a touron

2.Hikers will show trail etiquette by acknowledging other hikers.

3. Hikers want to see it all not just the tallest or closest

4. Tourists wear collared shirts in the woods.

5. Respect on the trails is earned not by the type of car at the trailhead but the miles on your boots

6. Everyone likes to take pictures of animals in the wild, tourists put pictures of loved ones in the same picture as wild animals. Tourons will risk the safety of family members for the sake of a picture.

7. Something about the size of black men's... hands

I think it is obvious the quickest way to not be a touron is to do the opposite of the top six items on the list. Pretty self explanatory. Don't litter, don't make the people following you have their view ruined by your trash.

Be friendly on the trail. Even though I have been ragging on tourists pretty hard, if at the top of the mountain someone strikes up a a conversation with me, I will be happy to engage. Always say hello to oncoming hikers.

Don't wear collared shirts into the woods. I can't stress this enough. You look ridiculous. There is no "standard" for hiking clothes. Many hikers wear non cotton clothing that wicks away sweat and a pair of shorts. Many older people wear long pants even if its warm, my guess is they worry about ticks. During cooler temps, a higher percentage than I would have guessed wear jeans and a flannel shirt. During temps above 35 degrees I wear shorts ( shocking I know for those of you that knew me in school) I wear a polyester t-shirt that wicks sweat away. If its cool I wear a fleece sweatshirt and if its cold my raincoat over the fleece to block the wind. Notice- between t-shirts jeans, flannel, raincoat, nowhere did I mention dressing like you are about to play 9 holes of golf. This may sound a little fashion police but I'm just letting you know what hikers think.

Okay now that we got the review out of the way here are some new things that will help you either earn respect with locals and park rangers or at least keep you from being fined or injured.

Do not feed animals. If you feed small animals like squirrels, they will rely on human food and not store food for the winter. This can result in death for the animal. As cute as it is to get a picture of a chipmunk eating out of your hand , is the picture worth its life?( not my peanut) As for feeding large animals like bears- are you an idiot?

In the picture you see people getting pictures of buffalo. These buffalo are wild, there is no fence. This picture was taken during the " rut" or mating season. The big one in the back is a bull. During the rut bulls get very tempermental. I won't say they are aggressive. More like moody. With all the hormones in the air, the fighting of other bulls and the smell of the sexually in heat ladies the bulls become very unpredictable. Other than grizzlies, bison are without question the most dangerous mammal on the continent. They injure far more people a year than do the griz.

Why? Because buffalo have a comfort zone. Park rangers ask that people stand at least 25 yards from them when viewing. This keeps the buffalo comfortable and much more predictable. Now lets look at these idiots in the picture. They are within 15 feet of the female and 20 feet of a 1000 pound sexually charged-frustrated male. This is why people get hurt. That bull if he wanted could have gored the tourons before they would have gotten to the wire in the front of the picture. A buffalo can run 30mph. You will also notice the kid in the picture... Way to go mom putting your kid in harms way like that.

This picture is a little less obvious and needs some explaining. The grey dot in front of the first car is a coyote. It was standing around not to bothered by people watching it until this idiot with the giant camera lens got too close and scared it away. If you see an animal don't get to close please. One, it scares the animal, second it ruins it for everyone else. This guy had a camera lens large enough he could have gotten pictures of fleas posing on the coyotes fur. This picture was taken after he had already scared it and this guy started running full speed after it towards the woods. I am pretty sure the average reader knows that your probably not going to catch a coyote with or without a 30 pound camera.

Another point I would like to make is that sometimes you can have the best intentions and actually want to learn something and still sound like an idiot. I heard a lady ask in Yellowstone if the buffalo loose weight during the winter. Lets think about that... Snow drifts a few feet deep, plants are all dead, the buffalo have to exert energy to dig through the snow for the plants, temps below zero, and oh ya, winter is 8 months long there. I felt bad for the lady, more than made fun of her. Just think before you speak.

On the opposite extreme, a ranger was giving a lesson on geology of the place. Going back millions of years. One old bible thumper was interrupting the ranger. Asking the ranger "Is this what " they" taught you?" He was giving his opinion as the ranger was trying to do his talk. If you believe god made the earth-fine, if you believe it was natural events-fine, if you believe it was intelligent design I don't care. Just let the ranger do his job and be polite and not interrupt.You might actually learn something.

So there it is, how not to be a touron. Sometimes its impossible not to be. Sometimes people don't have enough experience with a situation or are ignorant of what you are supposed to be doing. Case in point, no one is born knowing how to white water raft. The guides have a special name for all of us that go rafting down the river with them. SPORTs. A friendly acronym standing for Stupid People ON a Rafting Trip. Sometimes we all have to be tourists, theres really no other way for the average person to see a real cave other than pay your $15 and take a cave tour. With a little common sense, courtesy, respect for the rules and maybe a little research before the trip, rangers will give you and I the benifit of the doubt and be considered hikers not tourons.

And to prove I am not completely immune, don't be the guy that makes their kid pose for this picture. Yes that actually is a fish.