Keeping my ego in Check

 

The bird in the back is a Green Winged Teal, bird #105

   Today at 4:03 pm  two White Pelicans were spotted in Tiverton. I was home, if I could have gotten through Providence with little traffic, I could have seen them just as it were getting dark .At least four of my friends jumped in their cars and they all got the birds. Instead I chose to stay home. Of course, the main factor was thinking I couldn't get through Providence and see the birds before dark. But last year I would have tried. My heart would have been racing and anxiety would have overwhelmed me. Instead, I stayed home.

   In my last post I wrote a couple paragraphs about self-restraint. I am really learning to accept I will not see every bird this year. Today was an example of putting my brain where my heart is. White Pelicans are extremely rare in Rhode Island. There will not be another one possibly for years. The people that got it today will refer to it as a "blocker bird" because it will help block other birders from getting ahead of them.

Sometimes the problem with being self-aware, is just that, self-awareness. I know that I can't chase every bird this year. I have other things I want to do and I can't let "the list" be all-consuming. Yet, I want to. Last year I hovered around 4th place all year. At points I was tied for third. And I liked it. My ego liked it. I loved the competition. I loved the chase.

   There is a difference between ego and arrogance. I loved being near the top. However, never did I consider myself a better birder than many of the people I was above. There were multiple great birders that I had thirty or more birds more. The reason, I put my heart and soul into chasing every bird, while they had lives outside of birds. Again, the whole self-awareness curse. I know where I stand when it comes to my birding ability and experience compared to others. I know many birders are far better than me, I just tried harder. As I told many people, at the end of the year, the only person that will remember your number is you.

   So. as the year starts, I have finally reached 100 birds (106). There are seven people in front of me with the leader already seeing 132. Other than birding close to home on a 60 degree night after work, I have only birded on my days off. That has been my plan and until now, I am sticking to it. My plan has been to chase the hard birds and not worry about the easy ones. So my list has anomalies up and down it. For example, I have seen Pink Footed Goose but have not seen American Goldfinch.

   I'll try not to write too many boring articles about self-awareness. However, not chasing every bird, and accepting I won't have as many because of it is a stepping stone for me. I still have birding goals, but being near the top of the list isn't one of them. Seeing 100 birds in January was. It doesn't matter that seven others have seen more. Like I said, at the end of the year, no one is going to care anyway.

This beauty is a Black Headed Gull. It is the "best bird
I got over the last two days. Besides being pretty rare,
it is quite a sight