Don't take it for granted

This week I had a death in the family. One of my first cousins left us. To keep the privacy of my family, I won’t mention his name or get into specifics about his job. He was only 48 years old. He didn’t drink much, didn’t smoke and wasn’t overweight. As far as anyone knew, he didn’t have any medical conditions. He also had a medical degree. As you can imagine, his passing was a complete surprise to our entire family.

My cousin was extremely smart. He was very funny and had a great personality. He was caring, a great son, and a family man. He wrote a couple of books and loved to travel. We were not close. He lived in Lexington, MA, a town I visit on occasion because of the Revolutionary War history. Because of our mutual respect for history and the outdoors we should have been closer. He had qualities that I very much respect. He was very passionate about many things. As passionate as I am about fishing, he was about family history. Another quality that I appreciate was his lust for knowledge. He always learning and researching new things. His passing is certainly my loss as I could have learned and shared many stories from him.

I am happy to say he enjoyed life. He had a very successful career. He was smart and enjoyed living. He and his wife took a trip to Europe last year. They travelled quite a bit and went to Red Sox games. There is never anything good coming from a loss of a relative, but at least his family can take comfort in that he had a very happy life.

This of course made everyone in our family  question our own mortality. If death could happen to what we considered the brightest, most successful clean living one of us, who also happened to be in the medical field, then what does it say for everyone else. The common theme at the wake was “enjoy it now because you never know when your time is up”

Probably because my mom died so young, I have lived by the code for most of my life. I don’t abuse my body (smoke, drugs, or excessive drinking), however I don’t exercise as much as I should. I do try to enjoy everyday. I try not to sweat the small stuff and realize I can’t change the big stuff.

What I have always tried to do from a young age is to “live in the moment”. As I have said before, if I fish five days in a row, I don’t take them for granted. I fish so much because it is what I love to do. I don’t want to be in a senior center someday saying “ I loved being outside, why didn’t I do it more often”  I assume I will have regrets just like everyone else, I just want them to be small ones I can live with.

When I went on the big trip in 2010, I managed to fit 6 of the ten places I most want to visit on m

My best friend and I at the Grand Canyon

y bucket list on that trip. It was sort of irresponsible to go for almost two months. I was out of work and maybe the mature thing was to keep the money in the bank. I absolutely don’t regret going. The scenery and the animals were memories I will have branded in my memory (and on cd) for the rest of my life. DJ was fourteen. That is the perfect age to remember everything, but also strong enough to carry a backpack, hike ten miles, and still consider your dad your best friend. We had the best time ever.

I have realized I will never be rich. I work hard at my job, but I am not career oriented. I certainly “work to live”, not “live to work”. I am at peace with this. I spend a chunk of my workday (while washing windows or other mundane parts of my job) deciding where I will fish after work. I also blow a decent percentage of my paycheck on gas driving to fishing destinations. So if you come visit me at my house and you see the rip in the carpet at the front door, you will know that my carpet was not replaced because I used the money to go fly fishing in New Hampshire the week before.

This leads me to my other four spots on my travel bucket list (along with other new places I want to visit). I may never get to them. Because of fishing (and driving) every day, I am not saving as much of my disposable income as I probably should. Whenever I feel the need to get away, I go to New Hampshire for the weekend. So I accept that if I don’t get to Glacier National Park it is my own fault. I choose to fish everyday instead of being bored for a year to have a one week fantastic vacation.  Again, no regrets.

When I die, I want people to smile when they hear my passing. I want the first thing they think of to be “he loved his life”. I want them to remember how much we laughed. I want them to know my son was the most important person to be in my life. I want them to know I loved my parents very much. Instead of dwelling on their passing, I can smile about the good times and great childhhood.

There is no doubt that people will say “he loved to fish”. This is true of course. When they wonder why I would fish almost every day, try to understand that sitting in the house on a nice day feels like a complete waste of time to me. I can sit for hours and not catch a carp, but put me on my couch for ten minutes on a seventy degree day and I will get up and start pacing like a caged animal.  

I love the outdoors. I want it protected. If I had my way we would have another twenty national parks. I know people will talk about how much I love New Hampshire. They will talk about my love of hiking. Hopefully there will be a chuckle by those that cannot understand why I would rather sleep in a two person tent than a king size bed (absolutely true; if I win the lottery I will travel for weeks at a time, but I doubt I will ever see the inside of a motel room unless I’m with someone that insists)

So as you can see by the 1112 words so far, I have been thinking a lot about death because of my cousin. If I die tomorrow, then just smile for me. I have lived life to the fullest and have no regrets. If I live another forty years, I hope to make everyday as enjoyable and positive as I can.

There are two things we can all learn from my cousin even if you never met him:

1.      You never know when your time is up.

2.      Have as much fun as you can, ENJOY LIFE

 p.s.

The other four places on my bucket list:

Yosemite/ giant Sequoias

             The National Park on St Johns, Virgin Islands
             Glacier National Park
             San Juan Islands, Washington

 

p.s.s.

I will be seeing the inside of a motel room the second week of June since Laurie and I will be visiting Niagara Falls for five days.