Dino's Wedding- The View from the Best Man"

Preamble- The world's longest blog introduction

On Saturday October 11 my brother Dino Pacelli married his fiance Eilleen Flynn. I was the best man. I'm writing my account of the day on my blog for a couple of reasons. I want to write down my memories of the day while they are still fresh in my mind. The blog is a great place to keep this document. By posting it, I can not lose it. If my computer would crash, I would still have it. If I made a hard copy, God for bid and yes a little paranoid, there was a fire at my house, a journal or three ring binder could burn.

I will write about the events in the first person as I am describing them to you the reader. However , make no mistake, this post is for me.  The bride and groom were clearly the most important participants at the wedding. They have many ways to remember the date, professional photographer, cards, gifts, etc. Still it is not everyday your little brother gets married and I'd like to remember it. If you read this and you find yourself asking  "why is that relevant to the wedding?" remember it is relevant to me. So we begin

The Beginning

Where to begin? A week or so after Dino and Eileen announced their wedding, Dino asked me to be the best man. I  tried to talk him out of it. I told him that I would totally understand if he chose Jim or Scott, he spends a lot more time withem than me. Also, I had never been in a wedding before and never been to a bachelor party. Although I think I am hilariously funny, I know I am not fun. I hate dancing more than intense pain. Also, I barely drink, going months at a time without a beer and years without being drunk. These are not good qualities for a best man. Not knowing what my duties would be other than the bachelor party and speech, I asked Dino several times over the last few months what I should be doing

The bachelor party was awesome. We didn't do anything crazy that had to "stay at the bachelor party". We went to the Colonial Inn in Concord. We sat around a 300 year old pub drinking hard cider, listening to the band and making Dino laugh. The other two groomsmen, Scott Rathburn, and Jim Halloran and I came up with a plan to get Dino there as a surprise. We all met at the North Bridge. I don't want to forget anyone of the guys so here goes: Me, Jim,Scott, Brian Pinnetti, Paul Montani, Tim, Chris and Dan Flynn, John Riendeau, Jeff Jennings, my son DJ.  

Dino seemed to really enjoy it and that is all that mattered. It was low key and right up my alley. With the love of history from most of us, I think it was a hit. Never throwing a bachelor party before I relied heavily on Jim and Scott. There's no way it would have been nearly as awesome without their ideas. Although I had final say, there was no reason to veto anything. They were great.

Onward to Wedding Weekend we go... Thursday was the Wedding Rehearsal Dinner. As someone who hates the spotlight, just going to the rehearsal dinner was unnerving to me. That ended quickly and I had a fun time. I suspect my nerves were eased because all we really had to practice was where to stand and where to walk. The Maid of Honor, Diane was nice and happily, just as nervous as myself. After our practice WE ATE!!!  The food was amazing. We ate fingerling potatoes, veggie ravioli, stuffed pork, a stuffed pumpkin, yes a stuffed pumpkin and strawberry rhubarb pie, Again, I sat with Jim and Scott and their significant others both named Sam. Eileen's brother Chris who I have know longest sat with us. We had the honor of sitting with the one and a half year old flower girl, Jim and Sam's daughter Dakota. She happened to be the most significant person at the table, because all night she was making faces at us and we would make faces back. Even though I might have mentioned I'm hilarious, she by far was the light of the table

On Friday night, the night before the wedding I couldn't sleep. I practiced the best man speech over and over in my head. Because I couldn't sleep, I went online and researched best man speeches for advice and maybe a memorable quote to use. I spent an hour or so doing this. I ended up falling asleep at 5:30 am. I somehow woke up at 8:30 am on my own. The whole sleep I dreamed about the speech and the wedding. It made me wonder how nervous the groom/bride must be.

I also need to point out that DJ was in the wedding. He was one of the Officiants. He along with all of Eileen's siblings married Dino and Eillen.They were certified to legally perform the ceremony. One day last week they all got together and planned everything they had to say for the wedding. When DJ came home I didn't ask any questions. I wanted it to be a surprise to me as well as everyone else.

Here is the timeline for the day for me
DJ, Laurie, and Julie meet at my house               1pm
Get gas, bank, card                                               by 1:30
Be at Scott's house in Foster, RI                           at 2:30
Be done putting on tux and be at Foster                by 4:00
                         Country Club
Wedding                                                                  5:00

I will skip ahead to Scott's house. When we got to Scott's we put on our clothes. I put on my tux and Laurie put on her dress. Scott and Dino also got ready. Sam, Scott's girlfriend was ready when we got there. Nothing special to remember. None the less, it was part of the day, and I think only the second time I've put on a tux. I got to wear a bowtie, which I requested when Dino asked me to be the best man.

As expected, we were among the very first to get to the wedding. Jim, who met us there arrived when we did.  The bride arrived on the rented bus (going from motel in Warwick where many people were staying) We had to usher Dino to a place where they could not see each other. It had been raining most of the day but by the time we arrived at the country club it was clearing and we were assured of an outside wedding.

There were two buses bringing many of the guests from the motel. The wedding could not start until they got there. During the hour between 4-5 my job was just to hold on to the rings. I then had to give them up so the photographer could take pics of them. Somehow with everything going on I forgot I gave them away. I thought I left them at Scott's house. I paniced, checked my coat five times, ran back to the car and I thought I had to leave. Then as I was about to tell Dino, I saw Paul. Paul is the photographer's (Sarah) husband. They are two of Dino's closest friends. When I saw him, I realized he was in charge of getting the rings back to me. That is something I knew but somehow had forgotten. It took me a few minutes to come down from my fear of losing the rings. I never fully recovered because I knew I had my speech only a few minutes away.

I went outside to practice my speech and I saw Dino alone. I went down to him. He brought up our parents. It was the first time I thought of them. I had been so pre-occupied, some of it selfishly (worrying about my speech) some of it unselfishly (doing everything in my power to be fun) ,that I hadn't the time to think of them. We had a quick talk and I told Dino that mom would have loved his wife. It was a sad moment, but one that I wish we would have had longer to digest.

Also during that hour, I talked with my cousin Mark who lives in Maine and I went to Florida with last year. The most important thing I learned during that hour was that I was to give the rings to the lead Officiant (Tim, Eillen's brother) one at a time. Until then I thought I was to hand both of them together. This seems trivial, but I did not want to forget which one first. I asked Tim a second time to double check. I then said over and over in my head "small ring first"

The buses arrived and things moved quickly from there. Everyone sat at there seats and we were lined up rather quickly.  We paraded outside. First all the Officiants including my son, then Dino, myself, Jim, Scott. Following that were two boys pushing a baby in a push car and a girl doing the same. The boys were carrying Harry Potter wands that had rings on them. I took the rings from the boys as they passed. Then the three bridesmaids came down followed by a glowing bride.

The Officiants did an amazing job. They each had a small segment of the speech to give. It flowed perfectly. It was funny, yet extremely classy. There were references to Lord of the Rings, (such as "two rings to rule them all") one of which I did not get right away and had an embarrassingly late laugh. I didn't screw up my ring order.

 DJ was in charge of asking the bride and groom to recite there vows. As with the rest of them, he did a great job. The thing I will take away from the ceremony was the love in her eyes Eileen has for my brother. I had a front row seat only five feet from her. She has looked at him that way for over 8 years. She still has that beginning of the relationship magic for him. It was beautiful, and hopefully the video did not pick up that I got choked up, but I did.

After the ceremony, we walked and went behind a bush while the guests went inside for cocktail hour. We then went back to get pictures. I was a bit of a douche because there were a couple pics I wanted (such as me with Dino and my son with me in the middle). Sarah was patient with me, and for that I am thankful.

After I was dismissed from pictures, I went inside and pounded a cider and a beer. I wanted to be as relaxed as possible for my speech ( I can't stress enough my fear of public speaking so yes, for me the biggest part of the day was devoted to worrying about my speech).

Everyone was told to find their seats then we were introduced. I told Diane the M of H  that if she wanted to dance our way in or act the fool, I would if she wanted. It was up to her. She was cool with just walking in. Then after us, Dino and Eileen were introduced. They had their dance while everyone was standing.

Then the Maid of Honor was introduced to do her toast. She absolutely rocked it. She told a quick story that was extremely funny. She got a huge laugh from the crowd. Then she handed the mic to me. The crowd was still laughing and I was waiting a few seconds for the crowd to settle when the DJ told me I could begin.

I cut out half of what I planned on saying because I felt it was to long. I cut out my "funny" story because I knew it wasn't nearly as funny as Diane's. I brought up how I've seen for years how Eileen looks at Dino and I toasted with a line Robin Williams spoke in Good Will Hunting. (yes I used the Robin Williams card)

"Your not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense, the girl you just met, shes not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other"

Well everyone in the room knows the answer to that question. Your not only perfect for each other, you were meant to be. So with that Congratulations!"

I sat down and the song "Drink a Beer" was played and the names of all the people from our families that died were read. This was a sad moment. For me, I was walking back to my seat when it started and people were making eye contact with me whispering"good job". I did not get the full effect of the power of the names that were read. This time, I was glad to not be thinking to much about our parents and I'm glad I was being distracted. I know for sure some grown men cried.

After that was read, we ate. My plate consisted of delicious squash, mashed potato and the best tenderloin. It was crusted with coffee. Sounds weird but it was great.

This seems like a good time to mention all the quirks of this wedding. No one had ever been to one like it. The tables were the names of characters from tv shows. We sat at the Sheldon table from Big Bang Theory. To let waiters know what each person was getting was a little Muppet. For example there must have been a cow on the Muppet Show and there was a little picture of him. The card box was a giant comic book. You open the cover and put the card in. There was a digital camera guy. You could use props and get pics taken. your group would get a copy and the bride/groom got a copy. The cake weighed 120 pounds. Each layer had a different significance. One layer was "the eye Sauron". The layer above it was a smore being melted by the eye. There were statues of Dino and Eileen but also Kermit and Miss Piggy. There was a telephone booth (tardis) from Dr Who that people went in and snapped pics of each other. Basically they embrassed their inner dork and ran with it.

As much as Jim' Scott and myself would have loved to have busted on Dino everyone of their ideas was awesome. Granted  it was their day, so whatever they wanted should have been fine, but it really was a lot of fun for everyone. I, yes I, went up and got my picture with props three times. Once with Laurie, once with my cousins, and once with Dino and Brian Pinnetti.

For drinks I ran the gauntlet from a girly fruity drink litterally called Island Girl to hardcore homemade Moonshine. Jeff Jennings, one of Eileen's brother and laws asked for something fruity. the bartender made the Island Girl. It looked so good I ordered myself one. It tasted so good I had to order another one. I drank quite a bit, but never lost control, stumbled or slurred. None the less, I don't drink and drive, so even though I was fine, I had DJ drive home. As best I can tell, I had about 8-9 throughout the night, including the first three before my speech.

After dinner, came the dreaded dancing. I devised a plan to get out of dancing. I went out to my car and got my good camera. I started going around to friends and relatives getting pictures. I told Laurie she was free to dance all she wanted. I danced "The Twist" but that was it. I had fun, as I love taking pics. I got pictures of people that I wanted without bothering the professional photographer. However I got a really nice picture of Sarah and Paul, maybe the best shot I took all night.

What stands out to me after dinner and the real reason I wanted to write all this is the interactions and the friendships I made with people I barely knew. Starting with Tim Flynn who was in charge of Officiating, we(and his wife) had a good chat at the bar. We had to get to know each other a little with our positions in the wedding. He also sat with DJ and I at the bachelor party and we hit it off.

With everyone else that Officiated I tried to tell them how great a job they did. Not because I felt it was my duty, but because I was blown away by them. I did miss Chris who left early to take care of his puppy and Dino's dogs.

I had a terrific conversation with John Lincoln, one of Dino's good friends. I told him never to worry if your overdoing putting stuff on Facebook about your kids. John just moved to Maine and I told him, that his parents will love watching their grandchildren grow through pictures and funny stories. That happened to be my wise old man advice for the night.

As always, I had a good time talking with my cousin Richie, his wife Barbara, my cousins Cindy and  Pam, their husband's Floyd and Tony. Tony reminded me that he owes me rabbit sometime. Richie complimented me on my writing skills. I love hearing compliments,so yeah I enjoyed that talk. I talked with my cousin Michelle. I mistaken thought her husband was only 28. This made for a good laugh but also a compliment for him as I believed it.I was disappointed my cousin Mark bailed early. We are close, I consider him and Richie more like big brothers than older cousins. I wanted to get a good picture of me with the both of them.

I didn't know either Jim's wife Sam or Scott's girlfriend Sam. They were both great. Of course,
and I can't stress this enough, if their wasn't a bride in the room, Dakota would have stolen the show. DJ even asked to dance with her. Permission was granted, however Dakota was already dancing with someone so he had to "cut in" making for an adorable moment.

As for my brother and Eileen: I am so happy for both of them. She loves Dino so much. As I said I changed my entire speech because of the love in her eyes. They have been together over eight years. She has treated him so well. They really are very best friends. I do not worry about their future. They are a perfect and quirky couple. They compliment each other fully. My brother loves her so much. It may have taken all this time to finally say "I do" but he has known for years that this woman was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Congradulations to you both. Thank you for letting me have a part with a view from a few feet away.